Hardmentals™ I — Why What You Want is More Important Than How You Feel
Think about your long-term goal, then act.
When we’re focused on what we want, how do we feel? Empowered? Operating with a sense of purpose or direction? A mental clarity? Generally you feel, good!
When we’re focused on we want to feel, how do we feel? Tricky question. What if we feel underappreciated? What do we want? Simple. To feel more appreciated! OK…how? The only way to create more appreciation in the universe is to give out more appreciation. If you ever feel underappreciated, send a nice note to somebody. What you’re really wanting will come back to you!
Want to feel inspired? Waiting for a surge of inspiration? Inspire somebody else and you’ll get what you’re looking for!
Remember retail shopping? Imagine the person coming to you asking if they can help? How do feel? Bothered…rushed? Most often we say, “I’m just looking”. Is that true? We wanted something! The best and fastest way to get what you want is probably through the assistance of the helpful sales person. Why don’t we just tell them what we want and let them be helpful?
Have you ever sent an email or text you wish you could take back? When you sent it, were you focused on what you want or how you felt?
Have you ever been rude to a waiter or customer service person for something that wasn’t directly their fault?
It’s hard not to follow the rabbit down the hole. It’s hard to take a minute to think about what we want and then back our way into the plan to get it. This doesn’t require a stoic attitude or mindset. It simply demands delaying emotional gratification for our greater good!
The ability to delay gratification plays a unique role in the sales industry.
Sales is an emotional sport. It’s all about staying focused on what you want vs. how you feel at the moment.
I work in sales. It’s an emotional sport that gives you joy one second, and pain the next.
I believe that everyone has the capacity to sell. Selling is a natural skill we develop in life that helps us get what we want. It’s self-preservation — our most basic instinct.
Convincing a teacher it was the ‘stomach flu’ that caused us to miss a test…sales call! Forgivable speeding offenses…sales call. Getting a date, a spouse…sales call! If you have children, you’re on constant sales calls every day, all day.
If we see the correlations between sales and life then, whether we’re directly in sales or working to succeed in most any other aspect of life this HARDMENTAL™ is about the mental fortitude to stay in the game. The word “sales” has a negative connotation because the root desire seems selfish.
Sales is getting people to do what you want them to do.
What’s the definition of inspiring? Is it not also “getting people to do what you want them to do”? The only difference, when it comes to inspiring vs. sales, is that we’re seemingly doing it because we really believe it’s in the best interest of the person we’re inspiring.
How we feel is momentary.
It’s fleeting. We may have very strong feelings about something, but the ferocity of those feelings fluctuate. Again, this is easy to see in sales and we also see it in life every day. We see this HARDMENTAL™ mismanaged within interpersonal relationships, where because of how we feel, we can react for short-term satisfaction/relief vs. really thinking about the long-term solution that we want.
There is value in a simple emotional release.
In my earlier years of working with sales managers, I worked with a very talented sales manager, Amy, who was a highly, highly emotional leader — for the good and to the detriment. Her instincts were mainly all feeling, little thought to long-term want.
Our early relationship would be described as “not good” as it was hard for me to know which version of Amy I was working with. The disconnect in our relationship was my fault. Amy would come to my office or call, it felt like daily, with a lot of thoughts and feelings.
As a stupid guy, my initial reaction was to try to fix whatever Amy brought and to solve her feelings. In doing so, I was focused on how I felt, not really thinking about what I want — Amy’s continual evolution as her own problem solver.
I finally figured out that half of the time Amy just needed to vent — she didn’t want me to “fix it”.
Over time, Amy and I realized that she needed to state her intentions at the start of our conversations. She learned to say, “Chad I just need to vent”.
This removed a layer of frustration in our relationship. I adapted my response depending on the purpose of our discussion. If she wanted to vent, I listened. If she wanted help with a problem, I presented possible solutions.
Here are some guidelines to managing what we want vs. how we feel:
- Think about the person/audience we are sending any electronic communication to or posting. Will they read the message the way that we want? What’s our end goal for the communication? Think beyond the moment.
- Consider who we’re talking to before we pick up the phone or walk into an office. Are we talking to somebody that can help? Are we complaining to someone who could be ill positioned to really help and might feed the feelings or are we collaborating with somebody qualified and capable in helping realign our thinking with what we want?
- Don’t expect things that cannot change to change. I’ve had sales managers fall into the trap of feeling like the world should give them more naturally great sales people. That’s not the world’s job! If we want more great sales people, we have to create them and that means taking chances, being disappointed and working hard to create what we want.
- Start with what we want and plan backwards. Sales example: “I want prospects to be more interested. I want to get rejected less.” What makes people interested? People like to talk about themselves. Therefore, I must get better at asking good questions to create interest when I walk in the door.
Takeaway
When we believe in something and are fighting for something big, what we want stays more readily at the top of mind. Setbacks don’t sting or if they do, the sting doesn’t last as long.
If we lose sight of what we want or don’t continue to upgrade the definition of what we want we are far more susceptible to sales’ life’s less attractive elements.
If we fail to think beyond the current moment, we invite in more stinging rejection and a greater sense of distressing disapproval.
